Is Smacking Children Ever OK?

Smacking and social-emotional wellbeing

As well as being ineffective at improving children’s behaviour, smacking negatively impacts their social and emotional development in a number of ways.

Across multiple studies, Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor (2016) found immediate effects such as increased child aggression and antisocial behaviour, lower self-esteem and damage to the parent-child relationship. Importantly, smacking was also linked to poorer outcomes in adulthood, including mental health problems (found in five studies) and antisocial behaviour (two studies). 

Smacking can also have negative physiological consequences. A review of recent research on physical punishment found that children who have been disciplined in this way show differences in brain structure and functioning, suggesting that smacking negatively impacts brain development (Durrant & Ensom, 2017). 

Finally, research indicates that physical punishment can escalate into physical abuse quickly and unintentionally (Afifi et al., 2017; Poulsen, 2018) and that children who were physically punished were more likely to have also experienced abuse (Frechette et al., 2015). While parents might think they are providing appropriate discipline, they could be causing physical, mental and emotional damage to their children.

At best, smacking children has a limited impact on their challenging behaviours. At worst, it significantly harms their long-term wellbeing. 

Why does smacking have such a negative effect on children?

Firstly, adults’ and children’s perceptions of pain are different. While a parent may think they are only administering a light smack, the child is likely to have a harsher physical experience (Graziano et al., 1996; Saunders & Goddard, 2010).

Being hurt by a parent contributes to a second reason why smacking is detrimental to children: the emotional cost. When Dobbs et al. (2006) asked children how smacking made them feel, over half (of 80 total) reported negative emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion and fear. 

These feelings can change how children view their parents, themselves and relationships in general. Children’s sense of trust and safety at home is eroded and they can feel as though they are not loved by their parents or not worthy of love (Saunders & Goddard, 2010).

Harmful thought patterns like these can lead to worsening mental health as the child grows up and make it more likely for them to use substances to cope. In a study using data from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions conducted by the US Census Bureau, it was found that adults who had been physically punished as children were more likely to have a mood, anxiety, substance abuse or personality disorder (Afifi et al., 2012).

Finally, smacking children teaches them that physical aggression is an appropriate response to being upset with someone (Dobbs et al., 2006). This encourages them to be violent and aggressive in their own interactions with their peers, which can prevent them from engaging socially and making meaningful friendships.

It also teaches them to accept such behaviour from others, which puts them at risk of being in a future abusive relationship. In another study using the same US Census data, Afifi et al. (2017) found that adults who experienced harsh physical punishment as a child (including slapping or hitting) were at increased risk of intimate partner violence. 

What are the alternatives to smacking?

According to Developmental and Educational Psychologist Dr Kimberly O’Brien, the most effective way to phase out smacking is to nurture positive parent-child relations through one-on-one time on a regular basis. Spending quality time promotes better communication about appropriate behaviour and reassures children that they are still loved when boundaries are enforced.

When spending time with children, parents can make sure they are encouraging positive behaviours by:

• Being clear about what is expected in different situations and sticking to these rules
• Modelling what is acceptable
• Explaining why behaviours are positive or negative
• Paying attention to and rewarding good behaviour.

When unreasonable behaviour does occur, parents can make sure they are in the right headspace before addressing these problems. Many parents smack their children when they’re experiencing high levels of negative emotion, which can be exacerbated by the stress of modern living (Regalado et al., 2004).

However, as adults, parents are responsible for managing their emotions and ensuring that they don’t negatively impact the parent-child relationship. Parents can regulate their own anger and stress by:

• Taking deep breaths or counting to 10
• Removing themselves from the situation to calm down first
• Calling their partner or a friend for support
• Having a glass of water
• Investing in long-term strategies to minimise outbursts, such as daily yoga or regular exercise.

Where can I go for help?

By seeking support and attempting to learn new methods to effectively manage children’s behaviour, parents are taking a critically important step. There are different types of support parents can use, depending on their personal needs and the needs of their child:

• Friends and family: Spreading tasks and responsibilities more widely can help reduce parental stress and improve parent-child interactions.
  
  
• Professional help: Child psychologists can offer more targeted learning interventions, such as behaviour management techniques and positive parenting classes.

Want to speak to a professional? We’re here for you.

The Quirky Kid Clinic is a unique place for children and adolescents aged 2 to 18 years. We work from the child’s perspective to help them find their own solutions. If you’d like to discuss alternative ways of disciplining your child, you can:

Book a session with one of our experienced child psychologists.

Contact us for more information.