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Co-sleeping with Children
Co-sleeping is a broad term for sleeping close to a child. It can mean room-sharing, where a child sleeps in a separate cot or bed in the same room, or bed-sharing, where a child and caregiver share a sleep surface. Families may choose these arrangements for comfort, feeding, cultural reasons or practical needs.
There is no single age when every older child must sleep independently. The important questions are whether the arrangement is safe, whether everyone is getting enough rest and whether it continues to work for the child and family.
Infant co-sleeping requires specific safety guidance
Advice for babies is different from advice for older children. Red Nose Australia states that the safest place for a baby to sleep is in their own safe sleeping space, on their back, with their face and head uncovered. Red Nose recommends placing this space beside a parent or caregiver’s bed for the first six to twelve months.
Sharing a sleep surface with a baby can increase the risk of sudden unexpected death in infancy in some circumstances. Never sleep with a baby on a sofa, couch or armchair. Risk is also higher when a baby was born prematurely or small, when the baby is younger than three months, or when an adult who shares the surface smokes, has consumed alcohol, has taken illicit drugs or is affected by medication that causes drowsiness.
If bed-sharing with a baby is planned or might happen unintentionally, read the current Red Nose safer co-sleeping guidance. Feeding or cuddling in an adult bed is different from sleeping there. Return the baby to their own safe sleep space before the caregiver goes to sleep.
Is co-sleeping with an older child harmful?
Co-sleeping with an older child is not automatically a problem. Some families value the closeness, and some children seek extra support during illness, change or a stressful period. A transition may be useful when:
- The child or caregiver is not getting enough good-quality sleep.
- The child wants more privacy or feels ready for their own sleep space.
- The arrangement is causing ongoing distress, conflict or practical difficulty.
- The child can settle only with a caregiver present and this limits age-appropriate activities, such as sleepovers or school camps.
- Night-time fears, anxiety or a possible medical sleep problem need further assessment.
Sleeping independently is a skill that children can develop gradually. It is not a test of emotional maturity, and needing comfort at night does not mean that a child or caregiver has done something wrong.
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Why might an older child want to co-sleep?
A child may come into a caregiver’s bed because of a nightmare, fear of the dark, illness, family change, sensory discomfort or a familiar sleep habit. Some children are worried about separation, while others simply find it difficult to settle again after waking.
Night waking or wanting a caregiver nearby does not, by itself, diagnose separation anxiety. Look at the wider pattern. Anxiety may need extra support when it is intense, continues over time or affects the child during the day as well as at night.
How to help a child move to their own bed
- Agree on the goal during the day. Ask what feels difficult and explain the change in calm, age-appropriate language. A child is more likely to participate when they know what will happen and can help shape the plan.
- Build a predictable routine. Use a regular bedtime and wake time, with a short sequence such as washing, reading and a cuddle. Keep the hour before bed calm and reduce stimulating screens and caffeine. Our guide to healthy sleep patterns in children provides broader sleep-routine advice.
- Choose a gradual transition. A caregiver might begin beside the child’s bed, then move their chair farther away over several nights. Another family might start with the child spending the first part of the night in their own bed and extend the time gradually. Choose steps that are achievable and repeatable.
- Respond predictably. If the child calls out or comes into the caregiver’s room, offer brief reassurance and guide them back calmly. Avoid threats, shame or lengthy negotiations at bedtime.
- Support worries earlier. Talk about fears during the day, practise a relaxation strategy and agree on what the child can do after waking. An age-appropriate comfort object or night-light may help. Follow infant safe-sleep guidance when choosing anything placed in a baby’s sleep space.
- Notice effort, not perfection. Give specific encouragement for following the routine, starting the night in their own bed or using a coping strategy. Illness, travel and family changes can bring temporary setbacks. Return to the plan without treating this as failure.
Further Reading
When to seek extra help
Speak with a GP if sleep difficulties are persistent, significantly affect the child or family, or occur alongside loud snoring, pauses in breathing, gasping, marked restlessness or daytime sleepiness. These signs can require medical assessment. The Royal Children’s Hospital provides current guidance on sleep problems in children and teenagers and obstructive sleep apnoea.
A psychologist may be helpful when night-time fears, broader separation anxiety, family stress or repeated conflict is making change difficult. If separation concerns also affect school drop-offs, activities or time away from caregivers, Quirky Kid’s Overcoming Separation Anxiety in Primary School course offers general parent education. It does not replace individual assessment.
A supportive next step
A parent or carer consultation can help clarify the pattern, set realistic goals and develop a plan that fits the child’s age, needs and family circumstances. You can also contact the Quirky Kid team to discuss an appropriate starting point.
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View article references
- Red Nose Australia. (2026). Is it safe to sleep with my baby?
- Red Nose Australia. (2025). Co-sleeping with your baby on a sofa or couch: Is it safe?
- The Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne. (2025). Kids Health Info: Sleep problems, babies and toddlers.
- The Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne. (2025). Kids Health Info: Sleep problems, children and teens.
- The Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne. (n.d.). Kids Health Info: Obstructive sleep apnoea.
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