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Empowering Young People: Practical Q&A Podcast
Empowering young people is not about handing children adult responsibilities or agreeing with every request. It means helping them recognise that their views matter, their actions can make a difference and they can build the skills to participate safely in decisions that affect them.
In this Q&A episode of Impressive, Dr Kimberley O’Brien explores how families and schools can encourage children and adolescents to contribute ideas and create positive change. The strongest empowerment is practical and relational: adults listen, explain boundaries, share appropriate decisions and provide enough support for a young person to act.
Listen to the episode
Start with voice, not performance
Ask open questions and allow time for an answer. Some children think aloud, while others communicate more clearly through drawing, writing, movement, assistive communication or a later conversation. Taking a child seriously does not require accepting every suggestion. It requires considering the view and explaining what happens next.
Try questions such as “What feels important here?”, “What would make this work better?” and “Which part would you like to help decide?” When an adult must make the final decision, say so clearly and give a respectful reason. This avoids the frustration of being invited to speak when the outcome was never open to influence.
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Offer choices with real boundaries
Meaningful choice is specific and manageable. A younger child might choose the order of two routines or how to show what they have learned. An older child might help plan transport, set a study goal or decide how to contribute to a community project. Too many options can feel overwhelming, so start with two or three realistic choices.
Empowerment also includes the right not to lead. A quiet child, a child with disability or a young person who is still developing confidence should not have to speak publicly to prove engagement. Adults can adjust communication, provide preparation time and create private or anonymous ways to contribute.
Build skills through supported action
Move from doing a task for a child to doing it with them, then step back as competence grows. Break a goal into small actions, identify likely obstacles and agree on when help is available. The Goal Setting workshop and Growth Mindset Workbook are relevant tools for turning ideas into achievable steps.
Use feedback that describes strategy, effort and learning rather than assigning a fixed identity. “You tried a different way after the first plan failed” gives a child useful information. “You’re a natural leader” can create pressure and may suggest that confidence should always look loud or effortless.
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Make room for safe mistakes
Young people develop judgement by making age-appropriate decisions and experiencing manageable consequences. Adults still hold responsibility for safety, care and legal limits. The aim is not to remove every obstacle or expose a child to avoidable harm. It is to distinguish between a dangerous risk and a learning-sized challenge.
Before stepping in, ask: Is anyone unsafe? Is the consequence reversible? Does the child have enough information and support? If the answer supports participation, let the young person try, reflect and adjust. Explore Risk Taking and Independence in Children: Podcast for more on balancing protection with growing capability.
Share power in everyday family life
Family meetings can give children a regular voice in routines, celebrations, shared spaces and problem-solving. Keep the agenda short, avoid using the meeting to lecture and record what was decided. Follow-through matters. When an idea cannot proceed, explain the practical constraint and invite an alternative.
Household contribution can also build agency when tasks are developmentally appropriate and not used to make a child responsible for adult wellbeing. Let children learn the full sequence of a task, not only the easiest step. Choice, coaching and acknowledgement help responsibility feel connected to belonging rather than punishment.
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Support genuine participation at school
Schools can move beyond symbolic consultation by asking students about a defined issue, explaining which decisions are open, including diverse voices and reporting back on what changed. Student surveys, advisory groups and co-designed projects are useful only when young people can see how their input was considered.
A practical cycle is to define the question, help students understand the context, gather views in accessible ways, make the decision and report back. “You said, we considered, we decided” feedback shows that participation has a result, even when the final choice is not the most popular suggestion.
Adults should notice whose voices are missing. Timing, language, cultural safety, disability access, confidence and previous experiences with adults can all affect participation. Offer multiple ways to contribute and avoid relying only on confident volunteers.
Respond when an idea cannot proceed
A respectful no can still support agency. Name the part of the idea that you understood, explain the relevant safety, cost or practical limit and identify what remains possible. Avoid inviting endless persuasion after a firm boundary has been set. Clear limits help children direct their effort towards choices they can influence.
When a young person receives criticism or a project fails, help them separate the outcome from their worth. Ask what they learned, what support was missing and whether they want to revise, pause or try a different goal. Reflection gives setbacks a useful place in development.
Keep empowerment developmentally appropriate
A child can have influence without carrying adult responsibility. Do not ask children to mediate adult conflict, manage a parent’s emotions or make high-stakes decisions beyond their capacity. Empowerment sits alongside predictable care, clear limits and access to help.
Watch for the difference between encouragement and pressure. A child should not have to represent an entire cultural group, disclose personal experiences or take on public advocacy to satisfy an adult’s idea of confidence. Consent can change, and children need genuine ways to step back.
If anxiety, perfectionism, low mood, conflict or learning differences repeatedly make decision-making and participation hard, a psychologist can help identify what is getting in the way. Responsive support is not a loss of independence. It can be the bridge that makes genuine independence possible.
The original episode transcript is preserved below. For related reading, see Responsive Parenting: 6 Benefits and Practical Examples and How to Support Emotional Regulation in Older Children.
View article references
Sources
- Australian Human Rights Commission: National Principle 2, children and young people are informed and participate in decisions affecting them
- Raising Children Network: Teen development, independence and responsibility
- Teuber et al. (2021): Autonomy-related parenting profiles and adolescent outcomes
Episode transcript
Dr Kimberley O'Brien (00:08)
Hello, I'm Dr. Kimberley O'Brien, a child psychologist, entrepreneur, and mum, with a passion for problem solving and family adventures. Join me each week for practical tips and on-air consultations with the smartest, kindest parents and their incredible kids. Find answers faster, do things differently, and take your family further. This is Impressive.
Dr Kimberley O'Brien (00:34)
This is episode 10 of Impressive, and I'm your host, Dr. Kimberley O'Brien. This is a Q&A. That means that listeners can write in and ask a question, and I'm going to structure the next five episodes into a series of Q&As around different topics.
Dr Kimberley O'Brien (00:52)
So this week we're going to be talking about how to empower young children and adolescents without making them feel a sense of entitlement. I'm going to share with you some tips on what I think would be helpful as parents to know how to help young people set some goals and feel that they can make a difference in the world. And it's particularly important around this time of year when a lot of people are setting New Year's resolutions. So this episode will drop on the 31st of December, and I'm hoping it'll be an opportunity for you to talk to your family about how to set goals and how to feel that you do have an influence in the world and you can be part of a movement for the greater good. So without further ado, let's get started.
Dr Kimberley O'Brien (01:37)
So our first question comes from a listener in Western Australia, and her question is, "I'd like some tips on how to encourage my 12 year old daughter to challenge herself. She seems reluctant to set goals, but I don't want to push her. I believe she has the capacity to do really good things in this world, and I'm writing to ask for tips on how I can empower her to be part of something bigger." Thank you so much, Denise, for that question. I asked around with some young people that I know, and here is one response I got in relation to this topic.
Moses (02:12)
I thought the world was already a nice place.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (02:16)
I agree, Moe. I think the world is a really nice place too. And Mo, or Moses, is my nine year old neighbour, whose voice I really wanted to include in this podcast. He may appear in some future episodes as well. Because the voice of young people is something that we really want to gather when it comes to making changes. That could be in your family unit when you're making decisions about where to go for your holiday or what to do in the last week of the school holidays, whatever it happens to be. Taking a family vote will make the young people in your family, no matter what age, feel that they have a say and that their opinion matters. And that's really key when it comes to helping kids to feel empowered. Same goes for a school community. If you happen to be a school leader or if you want to share this episode with a school leader, I would encourage you to do so because school communities that have students that feel really empowered are usually very positive places.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (03:12)
So my PhD research on the transition from year six to year seven and how to help kids to feel a sense of belonging across that transition, as well as retaining friendship quality and self-esteem, showed that by gathering students' opinion or their perspective, they were more attached to the outcome and more invested in the direction of their school community. So surveys really do have a positive impact on the community, and even a listening tour is a positive thing to do if you're a school leader, to go out there in the community and to listen to parents, set up a whole bunch of different locations where you can do some great listening to service everybody, far and wide, within your community. When it comes to gathering and talking about the direction of things, it's really also helpful to ask students what they would like. So I'm going to talk briefly now about finding a guest speaker for your school community and letting students be involved in selecting that person.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (04:14)
So when it comes to choosing the right guest speaker for your school community, it's really important to survey the school students to find out who they would like to hear. And you might even need to do a series of guest presentations so that it's not just one person's choice, but you get a variety of speakers to empower those young people in your school community. They could be sporting personalities or someone that's overcome adversity by climbing a mountain or doing something different. I think that that's always a great way to help kids think out of the box and think about what they could possibly be doing to make the world a better place. If you'd like me to come along and be a guest speaker at your school, I'd absolutely love to. If you're in the Sydney or Greater Sydney community, you can contact Quirky Kid via email to arrange that or to find out more by emailing support@quirkykid.com.au.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (05:13)
And last but certainly not least, when it comes to empowering your 12 year old daughter, Denise, and for other early adolescents that are at a similar stage, think about setting yourself a goal as a parent. So when it comes to doing something that's maybe really physically challenging, like a trek that you never thought you'd sign up for or a swim or even something that you just thought was not your scene, but you're going to check it out anyway, that's a really good place to start when it comes to being a great role model for your kids because they can watch your journey as you start out researching and feeling really unsure, feeling like an imposter in a whole new scene. I like the idea of doing trail runs through the bush. That sounds like an exciting challenge to set myself.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (05:59)
And I've recently set one with a friend. We're going to do a kayaking and running through the bush challenge in about June next year. I think there might also be a swim component. I didn't really look so closely at the details, but I just thought, yep, that sounds like something I'd really like to train for. And I think by putting that in the future and then sharing with your child your own kind of, well, I guess concerns about it, and then how you're going to overcome each of those concerns, that's just being a really great role model and showing your child how to feel empowered and how to overcome challenges.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (06:36)
And just one more thing before we finish up. That's the difference between an empowered young person and an entitled young person. So they are completely different things, and I want parents to feel really reassured that by encouraging your child to feel empowered and by creating an empowered child, you're not at risk of creating an entitled adolescent. So please relax and know that those two things are completely separate.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (07:04)
Someone who's feeling entitled is more likely to have a behavioural issue. So it's more around not being able to empathise with others, being quite self-absorbed. And that is the complete opposite of an empowered young person who's much more aware of their environment and themselves and what part they play in the community at large. And that is being assertive and feeling that they can be a positive influence in the world. So two completely different things. Now, when it comes to connecting with your 12 year old daughter, Denise, I just wanted to share the last tip, and that is to also set a challenge for yourselves together. So challenges are not meant to be simple, and focusing on one task for a long period of time can be a challenge for young people. But if you're doing something together, it's likely to feel maybe a little bit more fun.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (07:54)
And it might be that she doesn't want to do something with her mum. That's okay, that's age appropriate. But maybe one of her friends would like to be part of some sort of challenge that they set for themselves. And that could be something that you suggest or that you leave information around so that they can set some really positive goals for the year ahead. Another example of that is like a run and swim. I'm still going down the path of a physical challenge because I think that's great for early adolescents to keep themselves physically fit and active because that's also a challenge. Often, girls will stop participating in sport at that age because they're developing and they don't want to be seen, they feel self-conscious. But, by participating in a sporting event with a friend, it's more of a challenge and it's a whole lot more fun.
Dr. Kimberley O'Brien (08:42)
So have a look in your local area about run, swim challenges. Sometimes you can have one participant do the run and the other one do the swim. So it's all about teamwork and having a really good time. It can be a great social opportunity for young people as well. So without talking anymore, this is the last part of the Q&A. I hope that's been really helpful. It's been absolutely my pleasure to bring you some quick tips on how to empower young people as we move into the new year. So wishing you a really fabulous night tonight, for those who are listening when this episode drops on the 31st of December. And if you're not, I hope these tips are also helpful for you. And join us next week on Impressive, when we'll come up with more tips Q&A style. And thanks for listening. This was Impressive.
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