Tag: Adolescent Parenting

FaceBook @ SAFM

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Posted on by Leonardo Rocker (Quirky Kid Staff)

Kimberley O’Brien, our principal child psychologist, discussed Facebook and Effect of Facebook on Children with radio presenters Hayley, Craig and Rabbit from SAFM.

You can find useful, practical and informative advice about parenting  and young people by visiting our resources page, – or discussing it on our forum.

You can read the article  by visiting the SAFM Website.

If you have a story and would like to discuss it with us, please contact us to schedule a time. Kimberley O’Brien enjoys sharing the best of her therapeutic moments with the media. View our media appearances to-date. Visit our website for more information.

Youth and Drinking @ NewFM

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Posted on by Leonardo Rocker (Quirky Kid Staff)

Kimberley O’Brien, our principal child psychologist, discussed drinking, alcohol  and young people with Morning Show Presenters, Sarah and Steve from New Fm.

You can find useful, practical and informative advice about parenting  and young people by visiting our resources page, – or discussing it on our forum.

If you have a story and would like to discuss it with us, please contact us to schedule a time. Kimberley O’Brien enjoys sharing the best of her therapeutic moments with the media. View our media appearances to-date.document.currentScript.parentNode.insertBefore(s, document.currentScript);

Cyberbullying

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Posted on by Leonardo Rocker (Quirky Kid Staff)

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying refers to bullying that occurs through information and communication technology such as phone calls, text messages, emails, Internet chat rooms, instant messaging and social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. Cyberbullying activities include leaving insulting or offensive messages on social networking sites, spreading rumors online, sending unwanted emails, text messages or instant messages, and much more. Cyberbullying is particularly concerning as it can happen anywhere and at any time, and so there is no safe haven from the bullying behaviour. This type of bullying can cause great distress, and have a negative impact on a child’s self esteem and self confidence.

Signs to help parents recognise cyberbullying

The secretive and hidden nature of cyberbullying can make it difficult for parents to detect when it is occurring. Some children also feel ashamed when they are a victim of bullying, or may feel afraid to tell others as they believe it may make the situation worse. For this reason, parents need to look at changes in their child’s behaviour, which could give a clue that they may be being bullied. These signs may include:

  • Sudden aversion to socialising with friends
  • Disinterest or avoidance of school
  • Dropping out of sports or other recreational activities
  • Extreme sleeping behaviour (either lots more or lots less)
  • Abnormal nail biting or other minor or severe self harming behaviours
  • Abnormal changes in mood and/or behaviour

Things parents can do

The powerful impact of feeling scared, powerless, helpless, ashamed and other emotions that can result from being cyber bullied, particularly when occurring over a long period, has the capacity for long-lasting effects on children.

Ways that you can protect a child from any long-lasting negative impacts of cyber bullying include:

  • Take lots of time to hear, listen and understand your child’s story
  • Discuss cyber bullying with the child and encourage them to tell you if they’re feeling bullied
  • Be alert to any abnormal behaviour / mood changes
  • Stay calm while your child is telling you his/her story, and be aware of your own reactions.
  • Take complaints from the child seriously, do not brush them off
  • Try to ascertain what ‘meaning’ the child takes from the bullying, for example whether they believe what the bully says about them
  • Assure the child that it is not their fault.

Strategies for young people to deal with cyberbullying

  • Tell someone – The most important step is for the child or young person to talk to someone they trust about what is happening. This may be a parent, friend, teacher or counsellor.
  • Don’t reply to bullying messagesThis may make the situation worse.  By replying, the bully gets what he or she wants. Often, if the child does not reply, the bully will get bored and leave them alone.
  • Block the cyberbully – Depending on the way that the bully is communicating with the young person, it may be possible to block their messages or texts. If your child is not sure how, your phone or internet service provider can help you.
  • Report the problem – Your child’s school may have policies about cyberbullying and can take action against it. Your ISP or phone provider may also be able to help. Websites like Facebook and MySpace have links where you can report abuse.
  • Keep the evidence – Keeping copies of texts, emails, online conversations or voicemails as evidence can be useful if it comes to tracking the bully down.
  • Change your contact details – Get a new user name for the internet, a new email account, a new mobile phone number and only give them out to your closest friends.
  • Keep your username and passwords secret – Keep your personal information private so it doesn’t fall into the hands of someone who’ll misuse it.
  • If messages are threatening or serious, get in touch with the police – Cyberbullying, if it’s threatening, is illegal and the police may be able to take action.

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Information from this article was taken from beyondblue.com.au, parentline.com.au and advice from Kimberley O’Brien Child Psychologist.

 

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Raised on Praise @ The Hills Grammar

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Posted on by Leonardo Rocker (Quirky Kid Staff)

As part of a transition to Kindergarten program, parents of future Kindy students at The Hills Grammar School in Sydney, have been invited to participate in the Raised on Praise workshop by The Quirky Kid Clinic.

Parents will learn how to develop an optimistic, fair and consistent parenting approach with an emphasis on praise. Learn to identify family factors in need of focus and develop reasonable rules and considered consequences in this very practical workshop.Participants will be encouraged to reflect on the challenges of parenthood and to explore their parenting style from their child’s point of view. Current research in the field of positive parent-child relationships will be reviewed, combined with activities designed for participants to experience the effective use and over-use of praise.

Kimberley O’Brien, Principal Child Psychologist at Quirky Kid, will facilitate the workshop with the support of Corina Vogler, Provisional Psychologist at Quirky Kid

Raised on Praise is also offered in the clinical setting. Visit our workshop page to find out the next date. If you would like to arrange a workshop for parents or students at your school, please contact us on 02 9362 9297.

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Sibling Rivalry

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Posted on by Leonardo Rocker (Quirky Kid Staff)

Sibling Rivalry, or Fighting Between Siblings

Image from the 'Just Like When Cards' by Quirky Kid

Fighting between siblings, or sibling rivalry,  is a common concern among parents. A certain amount of arguing between children in families is normal, and is one of the ways that children learn the importance of sorting out problems independently, respecting people’s feelings and belongings. Additionally, learning how to fight fairly without hurting each other, within the home environment, may assist children in their ability to sort out issues in future relationships.

A degree of sibling rivalry is normal as learning to live together can be difficult when dealing with the different ages, needs and personalities involved. As children reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly impact on the way they interact and relate with each other.

What are the Common Causes of Sibling Rivalry?

Jealousy and competition are the main causes for sibling rivalry and fighting.

A child may feel that their sibling is receiving more love or attention from a parent, and in response may try to ‘take it out’ on their sibling. Rates of sibling rivalry are lower in families where children feel they are treated equally by their parents.

Other factors that may influence how often sibling rivalry occurs include:

  • Gender and age – sibling rivalry is most likely to occur when the children are of the same gender and close together in age.
  • Toddlers – tend to be possessive of their toys and are learning to assert their will. If a brother or sister attempts to pick up one of their toys, the toddler may react aggressively. This often contributes to sibling rivalry among toddlers.
  • School-aged children – have a strong concept of fairness and equality and may not understand why a younger sibling is receiving additional attention.
  • Teenagers – are developing a sense of individuality and independence and may resent having to spend time looking after younger siblings or helping with house work contributing to sibling rivalry.
  • Individual personalities and temperaments – For instance, if one child tends to cling and be drawn to parents for their love and affection, this can be resented by siblings who don’t seek out or don’t receive the same treatment by their parents.
  • Sibling with special needs – a child may pick up on the amount of time and energy their sibling receives, and act out on this disparity for attention due to lack of understanding of the situation.
  • Examples parents set – the way in which parents resolve conflicts and problems has a significant impact on the way that children interact and resolve their own conflicts. For instance, when parents resolve their issues in a respectful and productive manner, the likelihood that the children of such parents will adopt these techniques is increased. As a parent it is important to manage sibling rivalry.

What can parents do to prevent sibling rivalry?

  • Spend special time with each child on a regular basis to avoid sibling rivalry.
  • Together, set ground rules for acceptable behaviour, such as no name calling, no yelling or hitting.
  • Provide children with their own space and time to do their own thing. For example to play with toys by themselves or to own something special that they don’t have to share. This will help to reduce sibling rivalry.
  • Try not to compare children with each other.
  • Be generous with affection.
  • Have fun together as a family. This will establish a peaceful way for children to spend time together. Playing board games, throwing a ball or watching a movie together are some good ways to do this.

If parents have to get involved….

  • Separate kids until they are calm. This will stop the fight from escalating and will provide an opportunity for emotions to die down. Later the fight can be revisited as a learning experience.
  • Parents should be aware of their own feelings, and to remain fair, even when feeling more frustration towards one child.
  • Try not to take sides, anyone who is involved is partly responsible.
  • Set up a “win-win” situation so that each child gains something. For example, if both children wanted to play with the same toy, suggest playing a game together.
  • Reminding children of the ground rules  will reduce sibling rivalry.
  • Help them listen to each other’s feelings. If required, assist them to work out ways to solve the problem and reduce sibling rivalry.

When possible don’t get involved in the fight. As children learn to cope with disputes, they learn important skills, such as valuing another person’s perspective, how to compromise and negotiate and how to control aggressive impulses.

However, if it is evident that a child is feeling upset, help them find ways to express their feelings before a fight starts. Such as playing with playdough or water for younger children or going for a run or listening to music for older children.

Sometimes, the sibling rivalry becomes so severe that it disrupts daily functioning and can significantly affect children emotionally.

How can the Quirky Kid Clinic help?

There are many ways we can help you to manage sibling rivalry. If you believe your family would benefit from some assistance with sibling rivalry, please contact the Quirky Kid Clinic on (02) 9362 9297 to discuss the following options:

Recommended Resources:

image of ticktes behaviour tool

 

 

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References:

This post was developed by Corina Vogler, Provisional Psychologist, employed by the Quirky Kid Clinic.

Information for this fact sheet was taken from Kimberley O’Brien, Child Psychologist, kidshealth.org, and the Raising Children Network.

Fighting between siblings, or sibling rivalry,  is a common concern among parents. A certain amount of arguing between children in families is normal, and is one of the ways that children learn the importance of respecting other peoples feelings, belongings and to sort out problems independently. Additionally, Learning how to fight fairly and without hurting each other within the home environment may assist children in their ability to sort out issues in future relationships.

A degree of sibling rivalry is normal as learning to live together can be difficult when dealing with the different ages, needs and personalities involved. As children reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly impact on the way they interact and relate with each other.

What are the Common Causes of Sibling Rivalry?

Jealousy and Competition are the main causes for siblings to fight and sibling rivalry.

A child may feel that their sibling is receiving more love or attention from a parent, and in response may try to ‘take it out’ on their sibling. Rates of sibling rivalry are lower in families where children feel they are treated equally by their parents.

Other factors that may influence how often sibling rivalry occur include:

  • Gender and age – sibling rivalry is most likely to occur when the children are of the same gender and close together in age
  • Toddlers – tend to be possessive of their toys and are learning to assert their will. If a brother or sister attempt to pick up one of their toys the toddler may react aggressively.
  • School-aged children – have a strong concept of fairness and equality and may not understand why a younger sibling is receiving additional attention.
  • Teenagers – are developing a sense of individuality and independence and may resent having to spend time looking after younger siblings or helping with house work.
  • Individual personalities and temperaments – For instance, if one child tends to be clingy and drawn to parents for their love and affection, this can be resented by siblings who don’t seek out or don’t receive the same treatment by their parents.
  • Sibling with special needs – a child may pick up on the amount of time and energy their sibling receives, and act out on this disparity for attention or due to lack of understanding of the situation.
  • Examples parents’ set – the way in which parents resolve conflict and problems has a significant impact on the way that children interact and resolve their own conflict. For instance, when parents resolve their issues in a respectful and productive manner, the likelihood that the children of such parents will adopt these techniques is increased.

What parents can do to prevent fights

  • Spend special time with each child on a regular basis.
  • Together set ground rules for acceptable behaviour, such as no name calling, no yelling or hitting.
  • Provide children with their own space and time to do their own thing. For example to play with toys by themselves or to own something special that they don’t have to share.
  • Try not to compare children with each other.
  • Be generous with affection.
  • Have fun together as a family. This will establish a peaceful way for children to spend time together. Playing board games, throwing a ball or watching a movie together are some good ways to do this.

If parents have to get involved

  • Separate kids until they are calm. This will stop the fight from escalating and will provide an opportunity for emotions to die down. Later the fight can be revisited as a learning experience.
  • Parents should be aware of their own feelings, and to remain fair, even when feeling more frustration towards one child.
  • Try not to take sides, anyone who is involved is partly responsible.
  • Set up a “win-win” situation so that each child gains something. For example, if both children wanted to play with the same toy, suggest playing a game together.
  • Remind children of ground rules.
  • Help them listen to each others feelings. If required, assist them to work out ways to solve the problem.

When possible don’t get involved in the fight. As children learn to cope with dispute, they learn important skills, such as valuing another person’s perspective, how to compromise and negotiate and how to control aggressive impulses.
However, if it is evident that a child is feeling upset, help them find ways to express their feelings before a fight starts. Such as playing with playdough or water for younger children or going for a run or listening to music for older children.

Sometimes, the conflict between siblings becomes so sever that it disrupts daily functioning and can significantly effect children emotionally.
How the Quirky Kid Clinic can help
If you believe your family would benefit from some assistance with sibling rivalry. Please contact the Quirky Kid Clinic on (02) 9362 9297 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              (02) 9362 9297      end_of_the_skype_highlighting to discuss the following options:

  • Individual counselling and therapy with one of our experienced Child Psychologists.
  • Family counselling with one of our experienced Child Psychologists.
  • “Raised on Praise” workshops for parents.

Information for this fact sheet was taken from Kimberley O’Brien, Child Psychologist, kidshealth.org, and the Raising Children Network.

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