Family-School relations differ between schools and between families. Some families are very involved, others are not. Some schools throw their doors open to parent volunteers, others do not. The question of, “where do we want to go?” encourages us to develop an ideal scenario for our children, incorporating the positive input of families, schools and greater society.

The Best Case Scenario

In my opinion, the best case scenario for primary school students is to see their parents regularly interacting with teachers, other parents and students in the school grounds. Similarly, I like the concept of parent volunteers in the classroom for reading support, weekend working bees in the school vegetable garden to generate a sense of belonging at school, as well as open communication between educators and parents on any given day. Younger siblings who feel welcome in playgrounds with parental supervision are more likely to experience an easy transition from home to school upon commencing Kindergarten.

The Reality

In reality, our child psychology clinic commonly receives referrals from frustrated parents seeking support when their children are refusing to attend school, or when both parent and child would like to change schools after months or years of family-school conflict. Other parents report strict school policies limiting parent-teacher contact to avoid a bottle-neck of parental traffic in classrooms before and after school. We also work with the parents of children with diagnosed Learning Disabilities or an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These families most regularly request classroom or playground observations. Some mothers sing the praises of schools, doing everything possible to increase classroom support for their child and others reports teachers have suggested they seek out another school option to gain more appropriate support.

Inside a Brazilian School

The Quirky Kid Clinic started researching school culture in 2006 as part of the School Days Project. The video below offers insight into what a school in Brazil looks like, through the eye of 10 year old, Riana, a student from Curitiba in Southern Brazil.

When parents disengage

A global perspective on Family-School relations suggest many schools are struggling to receive any support from parents. In Northern Brazil, for example, teachers often report minimal involvement from parents despite their attempts to make contact, particularly when there are large sibling groups attending the local school. In some cases, parents are working long hours to support their large families while others with limited educational opportunities in their own childhood, may lack confidence and avoid engaging with teachers.

There are many reasons parents disengage with teachers and this phenomenon is common across all socioeconomic groups. How many time-poor parents in Australia put school activities on the bottom of their agenda? And how many others find the active parent community overzealous and off-putting? Most importantly, how can we reach all parents and teachers in a meaningful way to ensure a common connection in the interest of the student community?

When I ask the young clients I work with about their family’s involvement with the school, they commonly report their parent’s opinion of the school, stating, “Mum wants me to change schools because my teacher won’t tell us anything”. In my experience, when parents have a negative opinion of the school, the teacher or the homework policy; students typically follows suit, with an identically negative opinion. Mental note, never put a teacher down in the presence of a child! Parental opinions count, at least in the eyes of your school-aged children.

Research findings

Educational psychology research emphasizes the importance of consistency between home and school to increase a child’s sense of stability in both settings. A student’s connection to school is increased with parental involvement in activities such as reading support or canteen duty. Students with a sense of stability and connection to school are less inclined to ‘drop-out’ of school or struggle with academic motivation. Parental motivation to become involved in school activities is similarly relevant in this story, as a means of modeling a positive life skill to young people.

Generating change in Family-School relations

School events, such as a disco, fete or sports carnival often generate support from parents when resources are limited. Importantly, parents have the capacity to positively influence the school-family relationship. An active parent community will generate ideas for fundraising or similar and delegate jobs between themselves. Schools soon learn the value of this input. Alternatively, schools wishing to generate more parental involvement would do well to promote the benefits by acknowledging families for their participation while providing diverse opportunities to appeal to a broad range of skills, from gardeners to craft assistants. Parents who volunteer to assist with sports or weeding at school, typically report the benefits of physical activity as well as fostering the parent-child relationship. Being present at school is also an opportunity for parents to observe their child’s friendships; to gain insight into teaching techniques and to gain confidence within the school community.  Making a start on Family-School relations requires both parents and teachers to find traction and build momentum before the results become clear.

Summary

So, family, society and school: where do we want to go? My aim is to be part of a supportive, functional and resourceful community where educational aspirations are achieved and dreams are encouraged. Every school could be a microcosm of the same ‘warmth and generosity’, demonstrated by the most committed and kind-hearted teachers and school volunteers. The ones who dig deep within themselves to present all children with a world of opportunities and unwavering stability. But let’s not forget to mention the potential of time-poor working parents, who would love nothing more than to volunteer and see more of their school-aged children! By making the family-school relationship a priority in our society, children not only have the pleasure of recognizing a familiar family face in the school crowd; we also begin to work towards a common goal.

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‘Labelling a child’ is the term used to describe the process where a psychologist or psychiatrist assesses a child, resulting in a diagnosis or ‘label’. The diagnosis is based on a set of criteria defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition (DSM-IV).

About 10% of children and young people will have a mental health problem. The most common diagnoses for children include anxiety disorders; attention-deficit and disruptive behavior disorders; autism spectrum disorders; and eating disorders (for example, anorexia nervosa).

If you suspect your child may have a mental health condition, chances are you’ve wondered if it’s beneficial to obtain a professional opinion and perhaps a diagnosis. While professionals were traditionally hesitant to diagnose pre-adolescents with DSM-IV conditions, diagnoses have been on the rise since the 1980s, partly as a result of greater research into child mental health.

What is a diagnosis?

A reputable mental health professional will not give a diagnosis without a thorough evaluation of a person’s symptoms, behaviours, and developmental history. In the case of a child, specialists will usually consult with several other sources (for example, parents, teachers, and family doctors) before confirming a diagnosis.

What are the advantages of a diagnosis?

An accurate diagnosis will give parents and their child a clear and realistic sense of the limitations and challenges the child may face as a result of the disorder. Following a diagnosis, you should also have a good sense of what treatment plans are available, their pros and cons, and how effective they are. This knowledge can provide tremendous peace of mind for families who are struggling.

Other advantages of a diagnosis include:

• An accurate understanding of your child’s strengths and how to best harness them.
• Individual support from Specialists at your child’s school (for example, regular hours with a Learning Support teacher or funding for resources or appropriate training for teachers).
• Subsidized help for the family (for example, home-based intervention such as ABA for children with autism spectrum disorders).
• Effective collaboration between health professionals. For example, a Speech Pathologist, Occupational Therapist and Psychologist can work together to give your child comprehensive treatment.

What are the disadvantages of a diagnosis?

Most professionals agree: forming a diagnosis can be difficult. A child’s behaviour can change depending on their environment, their food intake and the people around them, which can impact the assessment process.

The disadvantages of a diagnosis may include:

• Stigma from other parents or peers.
• Difficulties reversing the diagnosis should behaviour change or improve.
• Children need support when discussing a diagnosis.
• Some families might find a thorough assessment and Diagnostic Report costly.

Finding more support:

Quirky Kid has offices in Sydney and Wollongong,

If you are concerned as to whether or not obtaining a diagnosis for your child is right for your family, you may find it helpful to talk through the decision with a professional yourself. Ask your health care provider about counselling or support services in your community or contact Quirky Kid on +61 2 9362 9297.

You can share your experiences and discuss the benefits or disadvantages of a diagnosis with other parent on our parenting forum, the Quirky Kid Huddle.

Parents may find useful resources at the Quirky Kid Shoppe.

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Sources:

National Institute for Mental Health in England (2008). The Mental Health Act: Essential Information for Parents and Caregivers.

Harakavy-Friedman, Jill M (2009). Dimensional Approaches in Diagnostic Classification: Refining the Research Agenda for DSM-V. American Journal of Psychiatry 166, 118-119

Kimberley O’Brien (2011). Interview on the advantages, disadvantages, benefits and challenges of diagnosing children.

The Cleveland Clinic (2005-2009). “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/Attention_Deficit_Hyperactivity_Disorder/hic_Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity_Disorder.aspx. Retrieved September 24, 2011.

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According to recent studies, young children under the age of 2 spend an average of 2 hours per day watching TV or other screen media (like computers), while children over the age of 8 spend around 7 hours per day in front of screens (including texting on mobile phones).

What are the risks of too much screen time?

While kids have a lot of fun using screen media, it can also have negative effects on their healthy development. Some of the risks associated with excessive TV and computer use during childhood include:

• attention difficulties: The rapid sequence of images and information that characterizes screen media inhibits the brain’s ability to develop sustained focus.

• delayed language and limited vocabularies: While watching screen media the part of the brain that is responsible for language acquisition becomes passive, making it difficult for babies to learn words and syntax.

• more aggressive and violent play behaviour: Children may become desensitized to the consequences of aggressive behavior after seeing it presented as benign or humorous on TV or online.

• obesity: Sitting in front of the computer or TV means less time spent on active play, which reduces the likelihood of childhood obesity.

How much screen time is OK?

Most experts and recent research agree that children under 2 should not use screen media. The activity can interfere with playing, exploring, and interacting with others, all of which are crucial to physical and social development in the first 2 years of life.  Children under 8 should use screen media for no more than 1-2 hours per day.

How can we cut back our family’s screen time?

It can be a real challenge to cut back on screen media use at home, especially as adults are excessive users as well.

The best way to encourage your children to cut back on using the TV, computers, and mobile phones is to model healthy behaviour yourself. Set a limit on screen time at home — say, 2 hours per day in the evenings, broken up into 30-minute chunks. It’s also a good idea to provide fun alternative activities to reduce the likelihood of boredom.

Free play, reading, and in-person conversations are activities that promote healthy brain development in children — encourage activities that include these options.

Suggested resources:

Some other tips to cut back on screen time at home:

• Unplug and cover up. When you’re not using computers or the TV, unplug them, or stash them in a cabinet where you can’t see them.
• Schedule. Limit use of screen media to at least 2 hours before your child’s bedtime. Using a computer or watching TV close to bedtime can interfere with your child’s sleep cycles, and make it difficult for them to doze off.
• Relocate. Designate a “computer zone” for your family that is in a well-trafficked space, like the living room, so that users feel less absorbed while they’re using them.
• Communicate. Tell your child’s babysitter and her friends’ parents that you are trying to cut back on screen time, so that your child isn’t gorging on screen media when you’re not around.
• Converse. Watch TV with your child during designated screen media time, and ask them questions about the programming throughout. This will stimulate the language centres of your child’s brain, which are less active while watching TV.
• Reconsider. Try not to offer TV, computer, or mobile phone use as a reward for good behaviour, or prohibit use as punishment. This can heighten a child’s interest in screen media.

We offer a range of services, workshops and individualized consultations to support children experience screen addiction. Please contact us for more information or discuss with other parents at the Quirky Kid Huddle – our parenting forum

—

Sources:

Family Education Network (2010). Watch TV Along with Your Child. Retrieved from http://life.familyeducation.com/television/toddler/53399.html?detoured=1

Graham, Judith. “Children, Television and Screen Time.” University of Maine (2011). Retrieved from http://umaine.edu/publications/4100e/

Ravichandran, P. & deBravo, B.F., (June, 2010). Young Children and Screen Time (Television, DVDs, Computer). National Research Center for Women and Families.

Pediatrics, A. A. o. (2011). Media Use by Children Younger Than 2 years. American Academy of Pediatrics, DOI: 10.1542/peds.2011-1753, 8.

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Tickets are a complete reward system encouraging you and your child to work together to manage behaviour.

You start by setting clear, achievable goals together. Follow this up with lots of direct praise when you see your child achieve the goal. Finally, watch the surprise reward appear before your eyes as they scratch their Tickets to reveal fun and creative activities you can all share in.

‘Tickets’ is the latest resource to come from the creatives minds at the Quirky Kid Clinic. An inventive and cooperative tool for managing your child’s behaviour.

It is simple:

- Set a goal
- Give your child a ticket to acknowledge when the goal is achieved
- When your child collects enough tickets, he/she gets to scratch and win!
- Lastly, enjoy the fun and interactive reward activities together!

The Sunday Telegraph completed an article about our resource. You can read about it on The Telegraph online.

Visit the Quirky Kid Shoppe for more information on the Tickets and other unique Therapeutic and developmental resources for children and families.

We love therapeutic resources and go to great lengths to personally develop and produce our hand-packed kits. We are committed to providing parents and professionals around the world with creative and effective therapeutic tools that are tried, tested and loved in classrooms, clinics and lounge rooms around the globe.

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Due to a gifted child’s rapidly developing cognitive abilities, often there is a large difference between their chronological age, intellectual maturity, and emotional maturity, causing some gifted children to experience an intensity or sensitivity of feelings and emotions.

This sensitivity or intensity of emotions may be displayed in a range of behaviours which may leave the gifted child open to teasing and social isolation at school.

Identifying a Gifted Child

Gifted children often display some of the following traits.

• Extremely Curious
• Excellent memory
• Fluent and flexible thinking
• Excellent problem solving skills
• Learns quickly and with less practice and repetition
• Unusual and/or vivid imagination
• Very sensitive, emotionally and even physically
• Concerned about fairness and injustice
• Perfectionism
• Relates well to adults
• Extensive Vocabulary
• Reads Rapidly and Widely
• Enjoys learning new things

Giftedness is accurately identified through a psychometric assessment. Psychometric assessments including the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children- Fourth Edition and the Stanford Binet 5 are used to assess the general thinking and reasoning skills of children. Assessments should always be administer by a specialist Educational  and Developmental Psychologist or a Registered Psychologist with specialist skills.

Recommendations for teachers and parents

• Gifted students love the idea of learning something new and they will enjoy being provided with additional, more challenging work. By accelerating a gifted child’s work, grades or by attending opportunity classes, it will help feed the child’s need to learn and help to keep their behaviour under control.
• Gifted students should be provided with opportunities to socialise with peers of similar abilities. This may be possible by attending a selective High School, or participating in Gifted and Talented programs.
• Gifted children may benefit from being provided with independent study or research projects, particularly in their area of interest.
• Extra curricular activities, such as drama, music, languages, sports, gymnastics, dancing, or creative writing, should be encouraged.
• Highly gifted children are often at risk of serious underachievement, social isolation, concentration or behavioural symptoms and may benefit from receiving counselling.

Recommended Resources 

Quirky Kid published a range a resources to support the emotional and social development of children and adolescents. Parents can greatly benefit from some of this resources available on the Quirky Kid Shoppe. Below you can see the Face it cards, The Just like when cards and the Likes of youth

The Quirky Kid Clinic offers a range of services to assist gifted children. Please contact us to make an appointment or visit our assessment page for further assessment information.

—

Information for this fact sheet was taken from an interview with Child Psychologist Kimberley O’Brien, and the following article.

Dabrowski, K., & Piechowski, M. M. (1977). Theory of levels of emotional development. Oceanside, NY: Dabor.

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Exam anxiety is a natural reaction to too much pressure and can come from a number of sources including: young people themselves; comparisons with others; wanting to reach too ambitious goals; family members; peers or teachers.

Symptoms of Exam Anxiety

Signs your child may be experiencing exam anxiety include:

• Being cranky and irritable;
• Sleeping difficulties;
• Complaints of chest pains and/or nausea;
• Low self-esteem;
• Losing touch with friends;
• Difficulty getting motivated.

Suggestions for managing exam stress

• Effective Study habits: Effective study and learning habits can help to reduce exam stress in students of all ages. The Quirky Kid Clinic runs a study skills program to help students learn these skills

• Diet: Ensure your child is eating regular healthy meals throughout the exam period, drinking lots of water, and that they are monitoring their caffeine or sugar intake.

• Lifestyle: Encourage your child to keep up leisure activities such as seeing friends, exercising, or even watching television, as these activities give the brain a much-needed break from studying, which will allow for more effective study in the future.

• Sleep: Encourage your child to stop studying at least one hour prior to going to bed, in order to help them unwind and have a more restful sleep.

• Relaxation: Relaxation techniques such as breathing and muscle exercises can help your child calm down and manage their stress symptoms in a range of environments and situations. Child Psychologists at the Quirky Kid Clinic can help your child with relaxation exercises in an individual consultation or during our Why Worry workshop.

Please contact our clinic to make an appointment if you believe your child would benefit from some assistance in dealing with exam stress.

____

Information for this fact sheet was taken from Kimberley O’Brien, Child Psychologist, ReachOut .com, ParentLine and Kids Help Line

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Other pre-schoolers are already little thinkers, able to anticipate future separation thus increasing their anxiety surrounding the morning’s pre-school drop-off.  This child may ask the night before “is it a school day tomorrow?” and then display challenging behaviour from early in the morning in an effort to avoid the anticipated separation.

Here are a few options for managing this tricky issue of separation anxiety for pre-schoolers and parents alike.

• Begin by learning more about your child’s day by having a conversation with the staff at the pre-school. Questions to ask include:

- How long does he or she take to settle? – How are his or her play and social skills developing? – How well is he or she communicating?

• Pre-school staff provide valuable feedback around issues such as how well your child is able to do things like share, take turns and manage frustration with peers. If there are significant issues occurring in these areas, difficulty separating from parents and caregivers can reflect your child’s distress at entering an environment where they are having consistent negative experiences. If this is the case, it is important to target the skills and behaviours which are less developed and causing difficulty as a first step

•  If pre-school staff report that your child settles quickly and is reaching normal developmental milestones around play, communication and social skills, you can then target the issue of separation and assist your child to learn to cope with this process.

If your child happily gets ready for school and appears quite relaxed until the actual moment when you are leaving, we recommend:

1. Keep drop-offs short and your actions consistent e.g. Spend a period of time settling your child by engaging them with a carer and/or activity. It may help if you narrate your actions so your child is clear about what is happening “ Let’s take you over to (carer) or Let’s go and set you up with the blocks…. It’s time to say goodbye now. Mummy will come and collect you at (time). OK Mummy is going now, (kisses/hugs) bye.
2. Stay calm and make sure to also use your face to communicate, e.g. I know you are sad when mummy goes (show sad face) but you have a great time with (carer/ friend’s name) (show happy face)

If your child is a “little thinker” and anticipates separation well before the event, we recommend:

1. Create a ‘days of the week’ chart so your child is aware of school days and the weekly routine.
2. Normalise the anxiety or worry by validating your child’s feelings e.g. “You’re a bit worried about going to school and being apart from mummy. It’s OK to feel worried”
3. Encourage your child to persevere even though they are worried by reflecting on their past experiences. e.g. “You were worried about leaving mummy last week but you were very brave and went to school and then you had lots of fun”, “you were worried when we went to the party on the weekend but then you settled in and had a great time”
4. Create some catch phrases with your child to assist them to manage. Use these phrases on multiple occasions and have your child repeat them back to you. e.g. “I just need to play some games then I’ll get used to it”, “Even though I miss my mummy, I’m OK and my mummy is OK”, “I will have a lot of fun today and mummy will pick me up soon”.
5. Praise your child for being brave and doing things even though they are worried.

Be aware of supporting your child’s worry by allowing him or her to avoid attending pre-school or a feared event as a way of managing their anxiety. This usually exacerbates your child’s anxiety rather than diminishing it.

If all the above fail, the Quirky Kid clinic runs a popular anxiety workshop called ‘ Why Worry? for children aged 3 and above. You can also consult one of our psychologists individually to discuss other strategies.

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This was an interesting conversation and you can listen to the podcast by clicking below:

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The same perspective – on the education system and ADHD – was echoed by creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson. During his presentation, he makes a strong argument against the use of medication as the principal method of treatment with children diagnosed with ADHD. This is also a strong focus of Quirky Kid’s work with children and families experiencing ADHD.

In summary, he indicates that our children are living during the mot stimulating period of our existence and we are penalizing children and demanding they listen to, at times, boring non- interactive classes – by medicating them. There are much more to his presentation, so please watch below:

Please see the video below:

If you would like more information on ADHD interventions at the Quirky Kid Clinic, please contact us.

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Image from the 'Just Like When Cards' by Quirky Kid

Fighting between siblings, or sibling rivalry,  is a common concern among parents. A certain amount of arguing between children in families is normal, and is one of the ways that children learn the importance of sorting out problems independently, respecting people’s feelings and belongings. Additionally, learning how to fight fairly without hurting each other, within the home environment, may assist children in their ability to sort out issues in future relationships.

A degree of sibling rivalry is normal as learning to live together can be difficult when dealing with the different ages, needs and personalities involved. As children reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly impact on the way they interact and relate with each other.

What are the Common Causes of Sibling Rivalry?

Jealousy and competition are the main causes for sibling rivalry and fighting.

A child may feel that their sibling is receiving more love or attention from a parent, and in response may try to ‘take it out’ on their sibling. Rates of sibling rivalry are lower in families where children feel they are treated equally by their parents.

Other factors that may influence how often sibling rivalry occurs include:

• Gender and age – sibling rivalry is most likely to occur when the children are of the same gender and close together in age.
• Toddlers – tend to be possessive of their toys and are learning to assert their will. If a brother or sister attempts to pick up one of their toys, the toddler may react aggressively. This often contributes to sibling rivalry among toddlers.
• School-aged children – have a strong concept of fairness and equality and may not understand why a younger sibling is receiving additional attention.
• Teenagers – are developing a sense of individuality and independence and may resent having to spend time looking after younger siblings or helping with house work contributing to sibling rivalry.
• Individual personalities and temperaments – For instance, if one child tends to cling and be drawn to parents for their love and affection, this can be resented by siblings who don’t seek out or don’t receive the same treatment by their parents.
• Sibling with special needs – a child may pick up on the amount of time and energy their sibling receives, and act out on this disparity for attention due to lack of understanding of the situation.
• Examples parents set - the way in which parents resolve conflicts and problems has a significant impact on the way that children interact and resolve their own conflicts. For instance, when parents resolve their issues in a respectful and productive manner, the likelihood that the children of such parents will adopt these techniques is increased. As a parent it is important to manage sibling rivalry.

What can parents do to prevent sibling rivalry?

• Spend special time with each child on a regular basis to avoid sibling rivalry.
• Together, set ground rules for acceptable behaviour, such as no name calling, no yelling or hitting.
• Provide children with their own space and time to do their own thing. For example to play with toys by themselves or to own something special that they don’t have to share. This will help to reduce sibling rivalry.
• Try not to compare children with each other.
• Be generous with affection.
• Have fun together as a family. This will establish a peaceful way for children to spend time together. Playing board games, throwing a ball or watching a movie together are some good ways to do this.

If parents have to get involved….

• Separate kids until they are calm. This will stop the fight from escalating and will provide an opportunity for emotions to die down. Later the fight can be revisited as a learning experience.
• Parents should be aware of their own feelings, and to remain fair, even when feeling more frustration towards one child.
• Try not to take sides, anyone who is involved is partly responsible.
• Set up a “win-win” situation so that each child gains something. For example, if both children wanted to play with the same toy, suggest playing a game together.
• Reminding children of the ground rules  will reduce sibling rivalry.
• Help them listen to each other’s feelings. If required, assist them to work out ways to solve the problem and reduce sibling rivalry.

When possible don’t get involved in the fight. As children learn to cope with disputes, they learn important skills, such as valuing another person’s perspective, how to compromise and negotiate and how to control aggressive impulses.

However, if it is evident that a child is feeling upset, help them find ways to express their feelings before a fight starts. Such as playing with playdough or water for younger children or going for a run or listening to music for older children.

Sometimes, the sibling rivalry becomes so severe that it disrupts daily functioning and can significantly affect children emotionally.

How can the Quirky Kid Clinic help?

There are many ways we can help you to manage sibling rivalry. If you believe your family would benefit from some assistance with sibling rivalry, please contact the Quirky Kid Clinic on (02) 9362 9297 to discuss the following options:

• Individual counselling and therapy with one of our experienced Child Psychologists.
• Family counselling with one of our experienced Child Psychologists.
• “Raised on Praise” workshops for parents.
• The Just Like When Cards are a great tool to help kids explore sibling rivalry.
• Use positive reinforcement. Always praise your child’s good behaviour and use resources like the Tickets – a Tool to tame Behaviour by Quirky Kid

Recommended Resources:

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References:

This post was developed by Corina Vogler, Provisional Psychologist, employed by the Quirky Kid Clinic.

Information for this fact sheet was taken from Kimberley O’Brien, Child Psychologist, kidshealth.org, and the Raising Children Network.

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