What is school-readiness?

School-readiness refers to the point at which a child is considered “ready” to enter the formal education system.

In previous generations, a child was considered “school ready” when she passed a certain age (for example, if she turns 5 before July 31).

Now, however, an increasing number of parents and schools are rethinking the idea of age-based “school-readiness”. Instead, they believe a child is school ready when she is academically, socially, physically, and emotionally ready to cope with the demands of the classroom and the playground.

To help parents decide if their child is ready for school, or for a new level of school such as Middle school or Secondary school, here are some things to keep in mind.

Make Comparison

If you’re sending your child to Kindergarten, ask yourself:

• How well does my child socialize in comparison to same-aged peers?
• Can my child sit and focus when given an activity?
• Does my child respond to set boundaries?

If you’re sending your child to secondary school, ask yourself:

• Is my child mature or immature in comparison to peers?
• Is my child organized and motivated?
• How does my child feel about changing schools?

While it’s impossible to predict any child’s future, it’s important to consider if your child’s development puts her in a position to follow this timeline, or if it puts her in a position where at some point she is likely to be overwhelmed and falling behind.
As repeating grades is not recommended due to the impact of self esteem and friendships, delaying your child’s entry to Kindergarten, Middle School, or Secondary School may be your only chance to ensure that her schooling is appropriate for her development.

Research your child’s school

Before you decide whether or not to send your child to school, it’s a good idea to get a sense of the demands she’ll face by meeting with potential teachers, talking to parents at the school gate and observing students in potential playgrounds.

You are also encouraged to research the school curriculum, standardized testing such as the NAPLAN and the daily routines of the classroom. Ask an administrator at a local school, or contact your school board, to find out these details.

Assess your child’s skills

A child’s development is typically assessed in term of these four (4) categories: academic, social, physical and emotional.

If your child is developing at a similar rate to her peers in these four categories, you may wish to consider advancing her through school on a typical timeline. Children with significant developmental challenges, however, may have difficulty keeping up with their peers. In this case, it may be best to delay starting school until she can successfully cope with the common demands of school life.

Academic

At any new school level, your child will have to cope with academic demands.

• Is your child interested in learning?
• How developed are her language and communication skills?
• Does she seem interested in reading, writing, mathematics or creative activities?
• Can she pay attention and sit still for a (relatively) long period of time?

Social

• Does your child show patterns of friendship that are age appropriate?
• Can she cope with conflict?
• How will your child react to unstructured play time at recess and lunch (for Kindergarten) or interacting with students outside her class (secondary school)?

Emotional

Think about the emotional demands that will be required of your child at the new school level, and ask yourself if she can meet them.

• How does your child cope with setbacks or frustration?
•  How often does she require comforting or reassurance?
• How independent is your child when eating, using the toilet, or getting dressed?

Physical

Consider your child’s gross and fine motor skills in relation to the physical tasks required by the new level of school. Can she independently do zippers or buttons to manage her school uniform?

• How does she find writing or using a keyboard? Does she have any disability or illness that will affect how she adjusts to school life?

Consider accommodations

Many children with difficulties in one or more of these four key areas may benefit from starting school at the typical time for their age group if their challenge is effectively addressed either in or out of the classroom.

For example, a child with physical challenges may “catch up” with regular visits with an Occupational Therapist. Social issues are best managed by a Child Psychologist.  If you feel your child can handle the demands of school overall, but needs help with one specific area, it might be a good idea to seek support to address any challenges.

Talk to your child’s other caregivers and/or educators

If you’re not sure about your child’s developmental patterns, some of the most useful sources of information are staff at your child’s current school or pre-school. These professionals not only spend a lot of time with your child, but with many other children of the same age.

Get your child tested

If you have significant concerns about your child’s development, it can be a good idea to have your child assessed to measure where she is falling compared to her peers.

Standardized testing such as using the Griffiths Mental Development Scales (GMDS), Bayley Scales of Infant Development (BSID-III), Stanford Binet (Early SB5) or Wechsler (WPPSI – III) Intelligence Scales will break down different aspects of your child’s development, showing her strengths and weaknesses, as well as normative scores for her age.

If you have any questions or queries about standardized developmental assessments, please give us a call at the Quirky Kid Clinic on 9362 9297.

Recommended Resources

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Information in this factsheet was obtained from interviews with Psychologist Belinda Jones and Kimberley O’Brien from the Quirky Kid clinic.

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‘Labelling a child’ is the term used to describe the process where a psychologist or psychiatrist assesses a child, resulting in a diagnosis or ‘label’. The diagnosis is based on a set of criteria defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition (DSM-IV).

About 10% of children and young people will have a mental health problem. The most common diagnoses for children include anxiety disorders; attention-deficit and disruptive behavior disorders; autism spectrum disorders; and eating disorders (for example, anorexia nervosa).

If you suspect your child may have a mental health condition, chances are you’ve wondered if it’s beneficial to obtain a professional opinion and perhaps a diagnosis. While professionals were traditionally hesitant to diagnose pre-adolescents with DSM-IV conditions, diagnoses have been on the rise since the 1980s, partly as a result of greater research into child mental health.

What is a diagnosis?

A reputable mental health professional will not give a diagnosis without a thorough evaluation of a person’s symptoms, behaviours, and developmental history. In the case of a child, specialists will usually consult with several other sources (for example, parents, teachers, and family doctors) before confirming a diagnosis.

What are the advantages of a diagnosis?

An accurate diagnosis will give parents and their child a clear and realistic sense of the limitations and challenges the child may face as a result of the disorder. Following a diagnosis, you should also have a good sense of what treatment plans are available, their pros and cons, and how effective they are. This knowledge can provide tremendous peace of mind for families who are struggling.

Other advantages of a diagnosis include:

• An accurate understanding of your child’s strengths and how to best harness them.
• Individual support from Specialists at your child’s school (for example, regular hours with a Learning Support teacher or funding for resources or appropriate training for teachers).
• Subsidized help for the family (for example, home-based intervention such as ABA for children with autism spectrum disorders).
• Effective collaboration between health professionals. For example, a Speech Pathologist, Occupational Therapist and Psychologist can work together to give your child comprehensive treatment.

What are the disadvantages of a diagnosis?

Most professionals agree: forming a diagnosis can be difficult. A child’s behaviour can change depending on their environment, their food intake and the people around them, which can impact the assessment process.

The disadvantages of a diagnosis may include:

• Stigma from other parents or peers.
• Difficulties reversing the diagnosis should behaviour change or improve.
• Children need support when discussing a diagnosis.
• Some families might find a thorough assessment and Diagnostic Report costly.

Finding more support:

Quirky Kid has offices in Sydney and Wollongong,

If you are concerned as to whether or not obtaining a diagnosis for your child is right for your family, you may find it helpful to talk through the decision with a professional yourself. Ask your health care provider about counselling or support services in your community or contact Quirky Kid on +61 2 9362 9297.

You can share your experiences and discuss the benefits or disadvantages of a diagnosis with other parent on our parenting forum, the Quirky Kid Huddle.

Parents may find useful resources at the Quirky Kid Shoppe.

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Sources:

National Institute for Mental Health in England (2008). The Mental Health Act: Essential Information for Parents and Caregivers.

Harakavy-Friedman, Jill M (2009). Dimensional Approaches in Diagnostic Classification: Refining the Research Agenda for DSM-V. American Journal of Psychiatry 166, 118-119

Kimberley O’Brien (2011). Interview on the advantages, disadvantages, benefits and challenges of diagnosing children.

The Cleveland Clinic (2005-2009). “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/Attention_Deficit_Hyperactivity_Disorder/hic_Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity_Disorder.aspx. Retrieved September 24, 2011.

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Children often sleep alongside parents or siblings as they are growing up. This practice is termed “co-sleeping”, and typically, it occurs on a nightly basis for an extended period of time: weeks, months, or in some cases, years. Many families find co-sleeping a good way spend time together and bond as a family, or to reduce their child’s stress around falling asleep or waking during the night. It is also popular among breastfeeding mothers during their child’s infancy.

While sharing a bed might ease pressures on families while children are very young, the habit of co-sleeping can pose problems as children mature. By the time their children are 2 – 2 1/2 years old, most parents will be eager to have them sleep easily through the night in their own beds.

Why should my child learn to sleep alone?

Encouraging independent sleep in children as they mature is important for several reasons:

• Extended co-sleeping can discourage children from achieving what’s known as “night time independence”. Children with night time independence are confident that they can fall asleep on their own, and know how to comfort themselves if they are stressed or anxious around sleep – key steps in healthy emotional development.

• Frequently, pre-school and school-aged children have fitful sleep cycles. Having a child kicking, tossing and turning in their bed can interrupt parents’ sleep, leading to exhaustion and stress throughout the day.

• Parental intimacy is often compromised when their children sleep with them. This can have a detrimental effect on a couple’s relationship, affecting communication and physical closeness.

How do I break the cycle of co-sleeping with my school-aged child?

If your child refuses to sleep alone, or wakes up crying during the night, and only stops when you are near, he might be experiencing separation anxiety at night. This pattern is also known as “night-time separation anxiety”. Night-time separation anxiety is common among children up to 3 years old, but older children can experience it as well.

Here are some things you can do to ease night time separation anxiety and help your child sleep alone:

• Develop a regular daily routine. The same waking, nap time, and bedtimes will help your child feel secure, which can help them fall asleep more easily. Have a bedtime routine – for example, bath followed by story time and a brief cuddle. Consistency and clear communication is key.

• Keep lights dim in the evening and expose your child’s room to light, preferably natural, as he wakes. These light patterns stimulate healthy sleep-wake cycles.

• Avoid putting your child to sleep with too many toys in his bed, which can distract him from sleeping. One or two “transitional objects”, like a favourite blanket or toy, however, can help a child get to sleep more easily.

• Don’t use bedtime as a threat. Model healthy sleep behaviour for your child, and communicate that sleep is an enjoyable and healthy part of life.

• Avoid stimulants like chocolate, sweet drinks, TV and computer use before bed time. Children ideally need to relax and “wind down” for at least 1 hour before bed time.

Some other strategies to reduce your child’s dependence on co-sleeping include:

• Wean your child from your bed over time. For example, you might plan to spend part of the night on a mattress on the floor of your child’s bedroom or sleep with him for a few hours in his bed before returning to your own.

• Use a baby monitor to help a child who wakes at night communicate with you or your partner. This will also reduce the likelihood of him walking to your bedroom. If your child communicates to you through the monitor, visit him in his bed to reduce disturbance.

• Use rewards, such as The Quirky Kid Tickets to measure improvements in your child’s independent sleeping. For example, a partial night spent in his own bed will earn him a yellow ticket, while a full night sleeping alone will get him a red one. The child might collect tickets to exchange them for a prize.

We offer a range of services, workshops and individualized consultations to support children with sleeping difficulties. Please contact us for more information.

Parent can also discuss sleeping issues at the Quirky Kid Huddle – our parenting forums.

Recommended Resources:

There are a range of resources we make available for children at the Quirky Kid Shoppe.

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Sources:

University of Michigan Health System (2011). Sleep problems. Retrieved September 23, 2011 from http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm

Brazelton, T. Berry and Joshua D. Sparrow (2003). Sleep: The Brazelton Way. Perseus Books.

Kimberley O’Brien (2011). Interview on Co-Sleeping with children and strategies for parents.

Keller, M. A. and Goldberg, W. A. (2004), Co-sleeping: Help or hindrance for young children’s independence?. Infant and Child Development, 13: 369–388.

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According to recent studies, young children under the age of 2 spend an average of 2 hours per day watching TV or other screen media (like computers), while children over the age of 8 spend around 7 hours per day in front of screens (including texting on mobile phones).

What are the risks of too much screen time?

While kids have a lot of fun using screen media, it can also have negative effects on their healthy development. Some of the risks associated with excessive TV and computer use during childhood include:

• attention difficulties: The rapid sequence of images and information that characterizes screen media inhibits the brain’s ability to develop sustained focus.

• delayed language and limited vocabularies: While watching screen media the part of the brain that is responsible for language acquisition becomes passive, making it difficult for babies to learn words and syntax.

• more aggressive and violent play behaviour: Children may become desensitized to the consequences of aggressive behavior after seeing it presented as benign or humorous on TV or online.

• obesity: Sitting in front of the computer or TV means less time spent on active play, which reduces the likelihood of childhood obesity.

How much screen time is OK?

Most experts and recent research agree that children under 2 should not use screen media. The activity can interfere with playing, exploring, and interacting with others, all of which are crucial to physical and social development in the first 2 years of life.  Children under 8 should use screen media for no more than 1-2 hours per day.

How can we cut back our family’s screen time?

It can be a real challenge to cut back on screen media use at home, especially as adults are excessive users as well.

The best way to encourage your children to cut back on using the TV, computers, and mobile phones is to model healthy behaviour yourself. Set a limit on screen time at home — say, 2 hours per day in the evenings, broken up into 30-minute chunks. It’s also a good idea to provide fun alternative activities to reduce the likelihood of boredom.

Free play, reading, and in-person conversations are activities that promote healthy brain development in children — encourage activities that include these options.

Suggested resources:

Some other tips to cut back on screen time at home:

• Unplug and cover up. When you’re not using computers or the TV, unplug them, or stash them in a cabinet where you can’t see them.
• Schedule. Limit use of screen media to at least 2 hours before your child’s bedtime. Using a computer or watching TV close to bedtime can interfere with your child’s sleep cycles, and make it difficult for them to doze off.
• Relocate. Designate a “computer zone” for your family that is in a well-trafficked space, like the living room, so that users feel less absorbed while they’re using them.
• Communicate. Tell your child’s babysitter and her friends’ parents that you are trying to cut back on screen time, so that your child isn’t gorging on screen media when you’re not around.
• Converse. Watch TV with your child during designated screen media time, and ask them questions about the programming throughout. This will stimulate the language centres of your child’s brain, which are less active while watching TV.
• Reconsider. Try not to offer TV, computer, or mobile phone use as a reward for good behaviour, or prohibit use as punishment. This can heighten a child’s interest in screen media.

We offer a range of services, workshops and individualized consultations to support children experience screen addiction. Please contact us for more information or discuss with other parents at the Quirky Kid Huddle – our parenting forum

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Sources:

Family Education Network (2010). Watch TV Along with Your Child. Retrieved from http://life.familyeducation.com/television/toddler/53399.html?detoured=1

Graham, Judith. “Children, Television and Screen Time.” University of Maine (2011). Retrieved from http://umaine.edu/publications/4100e/

Ravichandran, P. & deBravo, B.F., (June, 2010). Young Children and Screen Time (Television, DVDs, Computer). National Research Center for Women and Families.

Pediatrics, A. A. o. (2011). Media Use by Children Younger Than 2 years. American Academy of Pediatrics, DOI: 10.1542/peds.2011-1753, 8.

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Due to a gifted child’s rapidly developing cognitive abilities, often there is a large difference between their chronological age, intellectual maturity, and emotional maturity, causing some gifted children to experience an intensity or sensitivity of feelings and emotions.

This sensitivity or intensity of emotions may be displayed in a range of behaviours which may leave the gifted child open to teasing and social isolation at school.

Identifying a Gifted Child

Gifted children often display some of the following traits.

• Extremely Curious
• Excellent memory
• Fluent and flexible thinking
• Excellent problem solving skills
• Learns quickly and with less practice and repetition
• Unusual and/or vivid imagination
• Very sensitive, emotionally and even physically
• Concerned about fairness and injustice
• Perfectionism
• Relates well to adults
• Extensive Vocabulary
• Reads Rapidly and Widely
• Enjoys learning new things

Giftedness is accurately identified through a psychometric assessment. Psychometric assessments including the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children- Fourth Edition and the Stanford Binet 5 are used to assess the general thinking and reasoning skills of children. Assessments should always be administer by a specialist Educational  and Developmental Psychologist or a Registered Psychologist with specialist skills.

Recommendations for teachers and parents

• Gifted students love the idea of learning something new and they will enjoy being provided with additional, more challenging work. By accelerating a gifted child’s work, grades or by attending opportunity classes, it will help feed the child’s need to learn and help to keep their behaviour under control.
• Gifted students should be provided with opportunities to socialise with peers of similar abilities. This may be possible by attending a selective High School, or participating in Gifted and Talented programs.
• Gifted children may benefit from being provided with independent study or research projects, particularly in their area of interest.
• Extra curricular activities, such as drama, music, languages, sports, gymnastics, dancing, or creative writing, should be encouraged.
• Highly gifted children are often at risk of serious underachievement, social isolation, concentration or behavioural symptoms and may benefit from receiving counselling.

Recommended Resources 

Quirky Kid published a range a resources to support the emotional and social development of children and adolescents. Parents can greatly benefit from some of this resources available on the Quirky Kid Shoppe. Below you can see the Face it cards, The Just like when cards and the Likes of youth

The Quirky Kid Clinic offers a range of services to assist gifted children. Please contact us to make an appointment or visit our assessment page for further assessment information.

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Information for this fact sheet was taken from an interview with Child Psychologist Kimberley O’Brien, and the following article.

Dabrowski, K., & Piechowski, M. M. (1977). Theory of levels of emotional development. Oceanside, NY: Dabor.

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Things to consider when choosing a school for your child

• Does your child have any specific interests that you would like the school to nurture. This may include sports, music, or languages,
• What facilities does the school provide that will assist your child to reach their full potential,
• Does the school offer any transition to school programs, to assist children and parents to settle into the new community,
• Does the school share the same values as your family? with regard to attitude, beliefs, and behaviour. This may include their policies towards punctuality and dress code,
• Do you have religious beliefs, or educational philosophies that you would like the school to share,
• Consider if you have a preference for single sex or co-ed.
• The distance between your home and the school is another important decision, it is important to also consider how your child will get to school.
• Finally, if your child has already established friendships, consider where they are going. Knowing  someone at their new school will assist your child in their transition to kindergarten.

Preparing for school

• To ensure your child has an enjoyable and easy transition to school talk to your child about what to expect at school. This includes
• Talking about the children they already know who will be starting school with them, what it will be like to make new friends, and the many games and activities they will be able to take part in.
• Discussing with your child who will pick them up from school, and reassuring them that someone will be there on time to collect them.
• Practice using their new school bag and lunch box before their first day at school. This will allow your child to get use to opening and closing them, so that it will not be difficult for them when they are at school.
• Practice putting on their school shoes and uniform jacket prior to starting school. This will help them to get use to doing it for themselves.

This is a special time for parents and children, and we hope you enjoy this stage of development with your child.

Other suggestions:

The Quirky Kid Clinic has social skills and communication program, The Best of Friends™ that assist children and developing key skills prior to kinder garden:

• Review our planned workshops for the year.
• Subscribe to our workshop reminder mail-list
• Prevention is best. If you are concerned about your child transition and for further information on school readiness please contact us.

Recommended resources

The Quirky Kid Shoppe is full of useful resources. Below are some recommended resources by our psychologists:

• How to Be a Friend by Quirky Kid:
• I feel Frightened:

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References:

Information for this fact sheet was taken from an interview with Child Psychologist Kimberley O’Brien, the Raising Children Network website and the following article.

Chandler, L,K. (1993). Steps in Preparing for Transition: Preschool to Kindergarten. Teaching Exceptional Children. Volume 25, page 52-55.

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Exam anxiety is a natural reaction to too much pressure and can come from a number of sources including: young people themselves; comparisons with others; wanting to reach too ambitious goals; family members; peers or teachers.

Symptoms of Exam Anxiety

Signs your child may be experiencing exam anxiety include:

• Being cranky and irritable;
• Sleeping difficulties;
• Complaints of chest pains and/or nausea;
• Low self-esteem;
• Losing touch with friends;
• Difficulty getting motivated.

Suggestions for managing exam stress

• Effective Study habits: Effective study and learning habits can help to reduce exam stress in students of all ages. The Quirky Kid Clinic runs a study skills program to help students learn these skills

• Diet: Ensure your child is eating regular healthy meals throughout the exam period, drinking lots of water, and that they are monitoring their caffeine or sugar intake.

• Lifestyle: Encourage your child to keep up leisure activities such as seeing friends, exercising, or even watching television, as these activities give the brain a much-needed break from studying, which will allow for more effective study in the future.

• Sleep: Encourage your child to stop studying at least one hour prior to going to bed, in order to help them unwind and have a more restful sleep.

• Relaxation: Relaxation techniques such as breathing and muscle exercises can help your child calm down and manage their stress symptoms in a range of environments and situations. Child Psychologists at the Quirky Kid Clinic can help your child with relaxation exercises in an individual consultation or during our Why Worry workshop.

Please contact our clinic to make an appointment if you believe your child would benefit from some assistance in dealing with exam stress.

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Information for this fact sheet was taken from Kimberley O’Brien, Child Psychologist, ReachOut .com, ParentLine and Kids Help Line

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Most children require some  “warm up” time to familiarise themselves with new people, environments and experiences, after which they relax and behave as they usually would. When children show an ongoing difficulty with normal social interchanges such as greetings, making requests or responding to questions, it can be important to investigate and make a decision about the need to intervene about this constant social anxiety.

Where can parents start:

Track where and when the “shyness” occurs and whether it is transient or ongoing. However, when children experience any challenges with normal social interchange it is important to remove any pressure for communication to take place. Instead a small step approach is most effective for increasing comfort and participation in social interchange.

Well intentioned statements such as “I feel sad when you don’t say hello”, through to punishment and negative consequences will reduce the likelihood of the communication occurring.

For example lets have a look a Stella’s behavior:



when she arrives at preschool she will not look at or greet her carers even when prompted, and instead hides behind her parents. After a short period of time however Stella is chatty and social with both adult carers and peers, makes spontaneous requests and answers questions without hesitation. Her social anxiety has been managed by her.

Now, lets look at Jack’s behaviour, for example:

Although his arrival looks just like Stella’s, Jack however does not appear to warm up after settling in and continues having difficulty responding to questions or communicating effectively with adult carers, but is quite happy playing and chatting with his peers. His social anxiety has not been well managed by Jack.

Here are some  suggestions to manage social anxiety

1. Discuss with your child what they are doing currently, for example hiding and not looking and talk to them about being brave and doing just a little bit more!
2. Think about what a little step might look like, such as holding hands instead of hugging a leg and try and engage your child to give it a go.
3. Before you get to pre-school try practicing the new step at home. Have toys and other family members play the role of staff and other children and don’t forget to have fun!
4. Use rewards such as praise, stickers and stamps when children are able to try the new step in “real time”. Talk to preschool staff to let them know what you are up to, so they can notice and praise the child.
5. Remember that some children love “over the top” praise, where as others prefer more low-key noticing. When a step has been mastered, renegotiate with your child to move up to the next step. Monitor progress and review regularly.

Steps to manage social anxiety should follow a progression from non communicative behavioural changes such as clinging becoming hand holding to non-verbal communication such as looking, smiling, waving or nodding, then indirect communication such as whispering to a parent to say hello to a carer, or showing a movie saying hello on a parent’s smart phone, and lastly direct communication from one word greetings through to talking freely.



Keep encouraging positively and remember this is a carrot only approach, sticks will only exacerbate the problem!

Recommended Reading
 For Parents:


• I ‘m Shy: http://therapeuticresources.com.au/i-am-shy
• I’m Worried: http://therapeuticresources.com.au/i-m-worried
• What to do when you worry: http://therapeuticresources.com.au/what-to-do-when-you-worry
• Helping your anxious child: A step by step guide for parents
by Ronald Rapee, Ann Wignall, Susan Spence, Vanessa Cobham and Heidi Lyneham

If this is still not working…

If your child is showing an ongoing difficulty with normal social interchange and communication at preschool or outside the home, despite having normal speech development and speaking and communicating freely at other times, it is a good idea to consult your GP,  pediatrician or a developmental psychologist and to look into a referral for intervention.



Social anxiety is best treated early by a qualified and experienced psychologist, particularly when it involves impairment in communication.

Discuss it on the Quirky Kid Huddle:

Other parents can help you by sharing their experience, visit our parenting forum the Quirky Kid Huddle: http://childpsychologist.com.au/forum/

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Other pre-schoolers are already little thinkers, able to anticipate future separation thus increasing their anxiety surrounding the morning’s pre-school drop-off.  This child may ask the night before “is it a school day tomorrow?” and then display challenging behaviour from early in the morning in an effort to avoid the anticipated separation.

Here are a few options for managing this tricky issue of separation anxiety for pre-schoolers and parents alike.

• Begin by learning more about your child’s day by having a conversation with the staff at the pre-school. Questions to ask include:

- How long does he or she take to settle? – How are his or her play and social skills developing? – How well is he or she communicating?

• Pre-school staff provide valuable feedback around issues such as how well your child is able to do things like share, take turns and manage frustration with peers. If there are significant issues occurring in these areas, difficulty separating from parents and caregivers can reflect your child’s distress at entering an environment where they are having consistent negative experiences. If this is the case, it is important to target the skills and behaviours which are less developed and causing difficulty as a first step

•  If pre-school staff report that your child settles quickly and is reaching normal developmental milestones around play, communication and social skills, you can then target the issue of separation and assist your child to learn to cope with this process.

If your child happily gets ready for school and appears quite relaxed until the actual moment when you are leaving, we recommend:

1. Keep drop-offs short and your actions consistent e.g. Spend a period of time settling your child by engaging them with a carer and/or activity. It may help if you narrate your actions so your child is clear about what is happening “ Let’s take you over to (carer) or Let’s go and set you up with the blocks…. It’s time to say goodbye now. Mummy will come and collect you at (time). OK Mummy is going now, (kisses/hugs) bye.
2. Stay calm and make sure to also use your face to communicate, e.g. I know you are sad when mummy goes (show sad face) but you have a great time with (carer/ friend’s name) (show happy face)

If your child is a “little thinker” and anticipates separation well before the event, we recommend:

1. Create a ‘days of the week’ chart so your child is aware of school days and the weekly routine.
2. Normalise the anxiety or worry by validating your child’s feelings e.g. “You’re a bit worried about going to school and being apart from mummy. It’s OK to feel worried”
3. Encourage your child to persevere even though they are worried by reflecting on their past experiences. e.g. “You were worried about leaving mummy last week but you were very brave and went to school and then you had lots of fun”, “you were worried when we went to the party on the weekend but then you settled in and had a great time”
4. Create some catch phrases with your child to assist them to manage. Use these phrases on multiple occasions and have your child repeat them back to you. e.g. “I just need to play some games then I’ll get used to it”, “Even though I miss my mummy, I’m OK and my mummy is OK”, “I will have a lot of fun today and mummy will pick me up soon”.
5. Praise your child for being brave and doing things even though they are worried.

Be aware of supporting your child’s worry by allowing him or her to avoid attending pre-school or a feared event as a way of managing their anxiety. This usually exacerbates your child’s anxiety rather than diminishing it.

If all the above fail, the Quirky Kid clinic runs a popular anxiety workshop called ‘ Why Worry? for children aged 3 and above. You can also consult one of our psychologists individually to discuss other strategies.

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This was an interesting conversation and you can listen to the podcast by clicking below:

You can further participate on the discussion by visiting our Forum – The Quirky Kid Huddle - http://childpsychologist.com.au/forum

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