Children often sleep alongside parents or siblings as they are growing up. This practice is termed “co-sleeping”, and typically, it occurs on a nightly basis for an extended period of time: weeks, months, or in some cases, years. Many families find co-sleeping a good way spend time together and bond as a family, or to reduce their child’s stress around falling asleep or waking during the night. It is also popular among breastfeeding mothers during their child’s infancy.

While sharing a bed might ease pressures on families while children are very young, the habit of co-sleeping can pose problems as children mature. By the time their children are 2 – 2 1/2 years old, most parents will be eager to have them sleep easily through the night in their own beds.

Why should my child learn to sleep alone?

Encouraging independent sleep in children as they mature is important for several reasons:

• Extended co-sleeping can discourage children from achieving what’s known as “night time independence”. Children with night time independence are confident that they can fall asleep on their own, and know how to comfort themselves if they are stressed or anxious around sleep – key steps in healthy emotional development.

• Frequently, pre-school and school-aged children have fitful sleep cycles. Having a child kicking, tossing and turning in their bed can interrupt parents’ sleep, leading to exhaustion and stress throughout the day.

• Parental intimacy is often compromised when their children sleep with them. This can have a detrimental effect on a couple’s relationship, affecting communication and physical closeness.

How do I break the cycle of co-sleeping with my school-aged child?

If your child refuses to sleep alone, or wakes up crying during the night, and only stops when you are near, he might be experiencing separation anxiety at night. This pattern is also known as “night-time separation anxiety”. Night-time separation anxiety is common among children up to 3 years old, but older children can experience it as well.

Here are some things you can do to ease night time separation anxiety and help your child sleep alone:

• Develop a regular daily routine. The same waking, nap time, and bedtimes will help your child feel secure, which can help them fall asleep more easily. Have a bedtime routine – for example, bath followed by story time and a brief cuddle. Consistency and clear communication is key.

• Keep lights dim in the evening and expose your child’s room to light, preferably natural, as he wakes. These light patterns stimulate healthy sleep-wake cycles.

• Avoid putting your child to sleep with too many toys in his bed, which can distract him from sleeping. One or two “transitional objects”, like a favourite blanket or toy, however, can help a child get to sleep more easily.

• Don’t use bedtime as a threat. Model healthy sleep behaviour for your child, and communicate that sleep is an enjoyable and healthy part of life.

• Avoid stimulants like chocolate, sweet drinks, TV and computer use before bed time. Children ideally need to relax and “wind down” for at least 1 hour before bed time.

Some other strategies to reduce your child’s dependence on co-sleeping include:

• Wean your child from your bed over time. For example, you might plan to spend part of the night on a mattress on the floor of your child’s bedroom or sleep with him for a few hours in his bed before returning to your own.

• Use a baby monitor to help a child who wakes at night communicate with you or your partner. This will also reduce the likelihood of him walking to your bedroom. If your child communicates to you through the monitor, visit him in his bed to reduce disturbance.

• Use rewards, such as The Quirky Kid Tickets to measure improvements in your child’s independent sleeping. For example, a partial night spent in his own bed will earn him a yellow ticket, while a full night sleeping alone will get him a red one. The child might collect tickets to exchange them for a prize.

We offer a range of services, workshops and individualized consultations to support children with sleeping difficulties. Please contact us for more information.

Parent can also discuss sleeping issues at the Quirky Kid Huddle – our parenting forums.

Recommended Resources:

There are a range of resources we make available for children at the Quirky Kid Shoppe.

—

Sources:

University of Michigan Health System (2011). Sleep problems. Retrieved September 23, 2011 from http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm

Brazelton, T. Berry and Joshua D. Sparrow (2003). Sleep: The Brazelton Way. Perseus Books.

Kimberley O’Brien (2011). Interview on Co-Sleeping with children and strategies for parents.

Keller, M. A. and Goldberg, W. A. (2004), Co-sleeping: Help or hindrance for young children’s independence?. Infant and Child Development, 13: 369–388.

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The Likes of You{th} is a  Tool to Boost Social and Emotional Well–being for Adolescent Boys.

The Likes of You{th} Kit is a set of 12 Picture Cards, 24 Questions Cards and a User Manual written by Child Psychologist, Kimberley O’Brien. The LoY Kit has been developed to help boys (10–16 years) through the often turbulent transition to young adulthood. With an emphasis on self-awareness and coping strategies. The Likes of You{th} Kit empowers young boys to improve their social and emotional well-being through collaborative activities and discussion.

Covering themes such as Authority and Rebellion, Motivation and Depression, Confidence and  participation, Freedom and Escape, Study stress and conflict, Girls, rumours and sexuality, Screen Addiction and boredom, Companionship and loyalty, Independence and Identity, Pa rents and Responsibility, Self esteem and style, Gangs and aggression this resources is perfect to complement the practice of those working with young people.

>> Download a Flyer or Buy Now

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The highest you ever climbed! – The furthest you ever swam! – The fastest you ever ran! -

Children love stories, especially true stories describing adventure and emotional extremes. Often they will ask to hear our stories but how often do they get to tell theirs?

The TMAS cards invite young people to recall and retell their own memorable moments of extremity (Luckiest! Loneliest! Bravest!), as they rediscover a sense of pride in their own achievements. The story topics have been carefully chosen to appeal to young storytellers, with the capacity to engage listeners of all ages.

The TMAS cards are a useful tool for parents and professionals working with young people to facilitate communication, highlight strengths, give praise and boost self-esteem.

The TMAS collection is designed for young people and adults, (aged 6 years and above). We all have stories to tell and the TMAS cards provide a forum for all people to share their experiences, children and adults alike. The cards have been tried and tested with individuals and small groups, throughout a number of different contexts.

>> Download a Flyer or  Buy Now!

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The FACE IT collection always makes an impression! This set of thirty-five (35) hand-drawn cards, depicting a wide range of facial expressions, are designed to engage children and adults from diverse social and cultural backgrounds as well as those on the Autism spectrum or with other special needs.

Parents, teachers and therapists will find the FACE IT cards are an exceptional resource to increase communication in the home, school, clinic or community setting.

Effectively used with both individuals and groups, the FACE IT cards allow participants the option of ‘pointing out’ their emotions to increase understanding, problem-solving and empathy when dialogue is difficult.

We hope you enjoy using them as much as we do!

Buy the Face It at the Quirky Kid Shoppe

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Is the consent of both parents required before a psychologist can provide services to a child?

When a psychologist is engaged to provide a psychological service to a child, the consent and involvement of both parents is desirable, although not legally required. However, there are situations where obtaining the consent of both parents is not possible, or appropriate.

What about parental consent where the parents of the child are separated?

If a psychologist is aware that the parents of the child are separated, he or she may assume that the parent who organised the consultation has the legal authority to access a psychologist on behalf of the child. Even if there are existing Court Orders, the psychologist is not required to establish whether the decision to consult a psychologist has been made jointly by the parents.

If the presenting parent says that they do not wish the other parent to be involved, and the other parent reportedly opposes the decision for the child to see a psychologist, the psychologist should discuss this further with the presenting parent and child, and make a professional judgement about whether to provide services. In making that decision, the best interests of the child are most important.

Where parents are separated, what if the other parent seeks information from the psychologist about the services being provided to the child?

If the presenting parent and child have not given consent for disclosure of information to the other parent, then a psychologist must protect the confidentiality of the young person. This includes refraining from acknowledging if a psychological service has been provided at all. If the other parent does contact the psychologist for information, the presenting parent will be informed and encouraged to resolve the issues directly.

What are the limits to confidentiality when providing services to young people?

Psychologists must comply with any legal requirements to report child abuse and neglect. Psychologists must also disclose information in situations where failure to disclose information may result in clear risk to the young person or to others, in order to avert risk.

You can contact us for further information or to make an appointment.

Separation and Divorce workshop for children in Sydney.
In addition, we also run the ‘Doing the Splits’ workshop. Visit the workshop pages to make a booking:

- http://childpsychologist.com.au/workshop/doing-the-splits-sydney

Separation and Divorce workshop for children in Melbourne.

- http://childpsychologist.com.au/workshop/doing-the-splits-melbourne

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The full interview is available below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhzdJ-Yb1qU

If you have a story and would like to discuss it with us, please schedule a time. Kimberley O’Brien enjoys sharing the best of her therapeutic moments
with the media.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FKyqYe7XWU

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